Which is a big thing in itself because I've had some really bad ones. This has to be by far the most humiliating and heart-wrenching of them all. Anyways, first off, my apologies for not writing for a while. I was busy with a lot of personal melodrama that was in most ways flung upon me, and in some ways I suppose I brought it to myself. Ugh, I feel so stupid! I feel beyond stupid!
So I'm blogging. Because apparently this is the only thing that's helping me to not getting into a murderous rage. Or nag my own self to death. I wish I could just be normal and torture the other person by being excessively sarcastic and rude and most of all, cold (like he was) but I just can't bring myself to do that. I can't, even in this pain and humiliation, I cannot bring myself to stoop to that level. Neither can I stoop to a worse level---that of emotional manipulation. So instead, I am typing all this. Of course I could've just done the cliches like gotten drunk or bitched on the phone for hours, or oh... So recently a friend random guy (I don't make friends with cowards, say whatever) very nicely declared that to lighten my mood, however dark, I just have to do watch "something Korean". Well, why thank you for typecasting me. Such an honour. I am touched beyond reason. Apparently watching a TV show or a film will help me feel less worthless. Because I am clearly a bimbo, and I just need so-called trivial distractions. I don't have real feelings and neither do I have real feelings for others...my feelings must be sorted out and typecast by other, more intellectual people. I don't even deserve the satisfaction of giving out a reaction like expressing pain or anguish or utter embarrassment. I am not real. I am just a "fancy".
Blogging always helps ease during the toughest times.
ReplyDeleteSeems like you are going through a bad time. I hope you get over this asap. Watching TV might help as your fiend suggested. And don't call yourself that. As far as I know, you are a very creative person. So, you could get into something like reading / taking photos / travelling around / or something you always wanted to do. That way, you get your way, that you wanted to do and keep your mind off from those things that bother you. #JustMyOpinion
Well, Take your time. Let all things sort out and they you could resume blogging.
Till then Take Care. :)
And yeah, keep writing, once in a while (which always helps). :)
Ajay-- Thank you! Your comment made me smile, which to be honest, I haven't been able to do with my heart into since this Monday. Like I said, not the best month I've been having and let's not even get me started on this week!
ReplyDeleteI tried watching MasterChef India... did not help much. If Vikas Khanna and food couldn't do the trick, I can't imagine many things that will.
So I shall return to blogging. Which I think shall be about one of the Korean dramas.
Thanks for all your suggestions and pep talk and praising. :)
I am glad I could make you smile.
ReplyDeleteOh, you are a food person. May be you should start cooking or trying out something out of the ordinary, for a change, you know!
That sounds great. Korean dramas, or anything - the fact that you are blogging matters. :D
My Pleasure. :)
And Keep Smiling. Life isn't a steady and happy thing. It has its' ups and down and the same is with happiness. So, I hope whatever that is bothering you; you will convert it into your way and be happy about it.
Well, take care. :)
Ajay-- I do usually cook to destress but this time even that's gone for a toss!I'm back to blogging. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteOMG! My feelings exactly! Ugh. Loved the way you wrote it, so precise with what I'm going through. :)
ReplyDeleteLove,
Krittika
xx
http://krittikabarua.blogspot.com
Krittika-- Hey, high5! Or low5 actually! Hope things take a positive turn for both of us asap :)
ReplyDelete