Anya's Musings

I had started this blog a long, long time ago because a friend of mine had attended a lecture on how to be a successful writer where she learnt that maintaining a blog helps (this is back in 2007 when blogs were comparatively both less and cool). And here I was. Over the time it grew into much more than that. But now I've come to realise something: nothing, I mean nothing--not even a magical blog--can help you write unless you don't actually sit down and write. I am sure many of you have noticed that I had pretty much abandoned my blogs for all the usual reasons (adult life, job, personal shit etc.), leaving this space with a severe case of the empty nest syndrome.

However, I am happy to report that now I am back. I have no idea what to write, in fact the lack of ideas of post topics was one the reasons I fled in the first place, but write I shall. So here comes my declaration: I shall become a diarist!

What? Seriously! As boring or insanely interesting as life sometimes gets, it exists and since I have absolutely nothing to write about & because I am tired of this persistant writer's block, I shall simply have to documents stuff.

I shall begin my new plan by telling the world that I have finally quit my old job (more on that sometime else) & am going on a short trip to Dubai, like, tomorrow. Who knows, maybe when I return, I write a post about the trip. See? Diarist mode kicking in!

I honestly cannot believed that I survived 2013 (although, it is still too early to say that considering we still have 4 whole days before 2014 kicks in). In a lot of ways 2013 has been one of the best years of my life (I found true friends and emotions, a job = a paycheck, and a spine) but at the same time, it has been the most horrible year of my life (self-loathing, having to find myself alone with people who I thought would never hurt me, a crazy job, constant social pressures to "settle down" with a "suitable boy" etc.)...and yet, the madness that is this year is finally coming to an end!

Like I mentioned, I have gained and lost a lot this year. My wish for the years to come is that I keep all that I've gained. At all costs.

--> THIS BLOG POST CONTAINS SPOILERS ABOUT A MOMENT TO REMEMBER AND BOYS OVER FLOWERS.
 
--> Of my list of the most absolute favorite movies, A Moment To Remember definitely comes in the top 5. I am a sucker for good romance stories and this film is an embodiment of that. But more on my views and reviews on the film later… I’m here to talk about memories right now. In A Moment To Remember, the female lead starts losing her memory one by one, the tragedy being that she forgets the love of her life. Of course, the love of her life, devastated as he is, tries to keep their memories alive for the both of them. There is a line in the movie that keeps coming more than once and it goes: When the memory dies, so does the person.

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--> The reason I talk about Boys Over Flowers is that in the very last episode, Goo Jun Pyo (ah, definitely one of my fav fictional characters till date…giggle!) meets with an accident and is critical for a while and all that but when he does wake up, he’s fine except that he doesn’t remember his girlfriend Guem Jan Di. Which wouldn’t have been such a big deal had the entire series not revolved around the true love and struggles in love of Jun Pyo and Jan Di. Anyways, I, like the F4 and Jan Di were shocked and vexed when Jun Pyo couldn’t remember her, fretting over their fate (he eventually does remember her…True Love is rewarded in all the K-dramas that I’ve watched till date, yay!). I remember reading a fan blog on that episode of Boys Over Flowers at that time. That post was written on the same date that finale episode was aired in South Korea, the internet was buzzing with the end of a series that had contributed so much in the Korean Wave. The blogger wrote about the part where Jun Pyo loses his memory and fails to remember only one person and I remember her critsising the plot saying that it was a fake disease.
 
--> And at that time, the only reason I didn’t like that comment was because of my loyalty towards Boys Over Flowers and anything that Lee Min Ho is associated with. But I never really did believe that this selective amnesia is a real thing and dismissed as a mere plot device. And I also remember thinking, oh well how convenient! If we could just happen to forget one thing or one event that pains us, or even person that even though we love truly, just is so difficult to keep loving. I had thought that. I wasn’t happy that he had forgotten her, I just wanted it for myself as a defense mechanism, just like I had wanted Son Ye Jin’s character’s Alziemer from A Moment To Remember.
 
--> I should clarify that never for a moment was I serious about wanting any of that. That was just me getting melodramatic and coping with the ongoing shit in my life, that’s all. I tend to do that. This is how I deal with stuff. I watch or read a lot of stuff and imagine myself in highly dramatic situations with the most bizarre and fantastical solutions and then when I’ve let out my steam, I am ready to deal with stuff practically.
 
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Women--how they should or should not be, what they should or should not wear, what they should or should not marry, what line of academics & careers they should or should not take--seems to be one of the most talked about topics right now. And maybe I've turned into somewhat of a pessimist in the last few years, but none of it is making me, a woman, feel any better about myself or my own position in the society I am forced to live in. I have to admit, it is not the easiest thing to be a woman (at least in the time and space I am inhabiting) not because I am powerless or lack resources, but because it is not socially acceptable for me to go and get those resources for myself. You know what I mean? Ironically, it is very much the social acceptable thing to do for everyone to talk about women as independent entities, capable of living their lives their own ways.

I think people are a bit confused over this issue, as is bound to happen with any topic that deviates from tradition even to the slightest degree. I'm not denying that the whole women's' emancipation topic hasn't evolved for the better...I am merely saying that we have a long, long way to go still. Take, for example, the 16th December, 2012 Delhi Rape Case. It was horrifying, inhumane to say the least. And I am happy that now it is politically incorrect to question what the victim in question was wearing, who she was with, and what time she was out. I say "politically incorrect" simply because since that day I have met quite a few people who still ask those questions but when they are safely hidden in their unquotable domestic circle. What did take me by surprise was the number of people--men and women--who seemed to have wanted protection for women because they are apparently weak (as opposed to horrible people roaming about out in the open).

Recently, a new ad campaign against female sex trafficking has got the entire country taking. There are three photographs of three women dressed up as three different Hindu goddesses. These goddesses are battered, they have been beaten up, are bruised. And the campaign has achieved two major objectives: it has evoked a sense of horror among the audience to get everyone taking about it.

Evidently not, considering I'm writing this. I'm still drowned up till my eyeballs in work (let's not even go there) & I should and will get back to that as soon as I'm done venting here. First of all, I've missed you, Blog. And I love you and I will never, ever leave you. Ever.

Now that we are past that momentary cheesiness...

Like I said, nothing much going on in life right now except the mound of Sisyphean tasks. Which, you know, on its own is a lot. But whatever. Other than that, I've begun watching another k-drama, Winter Sonata (review time in June, when I'm free from work and also done watching the show). Yeah, I know...took waaaay too long Winter Sonata, didn't I? In my defense, this is the only one from the Endless Love series I haven't seen (yes, I know, fine, who skips WS, but whatever!). And I know I was supposed to start watching Doctor Who and Game of Thrones but really, I'm waiting to get free. Okay, fine, I *had* to watch a k-drama, I couldn't resist but in my defense (again), I haven't been able to give as much time to it as I want to. Guilt starts seeping in sooner or later.

Apart from that, look what else I've got to give me company these days...
And you thought I was a coffee person, dintcha? I did too.

Anyways, that's pretty much all. See you when I see you. Happy, smiling faces ^^ ...

After procrastinating for months now, I have finally reached the time where I need to shut off all forms of communication and entertainment and panic...and more importantly, WORK! In the light of that, I need to go "underground" because I have a lot of really important work piling up. It shall be only till June this year hopefully and then I shall be back in all my very awesome glory.

See you in June!

Though for a while there it may have seemed like it. I have no decent excuse for why I haven't been blogging so much off late. I suppose that I just haven't had anything to blog about. Either that, or way too much.

So far, February has been quite interesting. Many events in Delhi-NCR, some of which I managed to go to (like Surajkund Crafts Mela, The Annual Delhi International Book Fair etc), and some of them I had to miss (Comic Con). Went away from Delhi for a wedding (not mine, for the last time, NOT MINE). I have begun drinking coffee again.

And most of all, February has brought on a lot of introspection, a lot of getting over denials, a lot of not attacking the ostrich. I am as clueless as ever about how life goes, but at least I am a tinsy bit hopeful now.
             

As almost everyone knows that the rape victim died. A lot of people were expecting violent rally and what nots and I, personally, was very touched by people's maturity and humanitarian feelings when so many people headed out to Jantar Mantar yesterday in Delhi (actually, in a lot of places throughout India) for a peaceful demonstration and to light candles and say goodbye to an innocent girl who died such a horrible death. While watching the news last night, I saw this one girl, a random girl who told the journalist that what makes this case so personal and blood-chilling is that that girl could have been anyone, it could have been her and it could have been her sister. I agree with that.

People have been calling her a variety of names (since disclosing a rape-victim's identity is not allowed) including "Braveheart", "Damini", "Nirbhaya" etc. I don't call her any of that. In my mind, she's "The Girl". She was killed brutally because of that reason, because she was a girl. It had nothing to do with any other factor expect that of her sex (or gender, whichever you think). That Girl could have been anyone... it could have been me, it could have been anyone you know. So essentially, more than this being a case of some girl being brutally raped and murdered or that girl being killed or anything, this is about one of us being made to suffer this way. One of us died.

My cousin said, after hearing about the rape case, after hearing daily reports for days of her struggle to live, after hearing of her death that "Humans survived 2012. Humanity didn't." The Mayans got it right after all then. I didn't know The Girl, I didn't know what she looked like, I didn't even know her name. But her death saddens me beyond words. Her story can easily be anyone's story. Please, if her death has affected you at all, if you know a single woman that you care about (including your own self), do not let anyone trivialize and make fun of women.

My birthday finally came and went. Unlike every time else (in the past, obviously), I was not sad to be turning a year older. I was all like, if you can't beat them... So yes, I did not shed tears over what all I haven't achieved by the age of 24 years ('cause, honestly, that'd be a long list) and figured life is long enough to achieve them anytime and short enough to not waste my time worrying about something that can't be helped. I hope being 24 will bring good times in my life. I also hope that just because I am 24 years old now (and thus, "marriageable age" according to Indian society's standards), people will not pester me about my wedding plans... Say what you want, 24 is too young, for me anyways.

The party itself was nice. If you can call it a "party", which my friends insist on doing. So, yes. Party it is then. The best of all was my cake. My best friend (and certainly now she will remain my best friend!) got me a customised cake.. and it was... Oh, hell... I will just show it you. Here:

I know, right!

BEST. CAKE. EVER. EVUUUUUUR.

It has a pic of Lee Min Ho on it! *jumps up and down hyperactively*

So all those "hints" about me being a HUGE fan of Lee Min Ho was received by somebody then. So I shall now explain every part of my cake... because I liked it that much!

The book that you guys see in the picture is that of one of my most favorite books ever-- Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell. By putting this on my cake, my friend wanted to show how much I love this book and books in general and how much I enjoy reading.
I am so happy that the cover of the book on the cake is the exact same one that's on my copy of Gone With The Wind. Talk about personal touches.

The one with Lee Min Ho's photograph is supposed to be my laptop. In the picture, you can see the keyboards.
 
This laptop is white because I've got a white Macintosh. And yes, the baker (who is my junior from college), also drew this at the back of the laptop:

This laptop has a picture of Lee Min Ho because, well, he is Lee Min Ho and for anyone who has not noticed, I'm a huge fan! Huge. This is supposed to be showing how I watch Lee Min Ho's shows (and interviews etc) on my laptop.

The cup is made to be a Costa Coffee cup with coffee in it. Self explanatory. *wink*

In the end are the words "Happy Birthday to" with my name all written in Korean. Awwwwww... They googled all that for my sake!

So yeah, they basically captured what I loved on that cake.

For my birthday, we went to a place in Khan Market and "partied" which translates into eating a lot, swapping the most ridiculous stories and all that. Best Birthday Ever. :D

I love October night's air in Delhi. It's beautiful.

Those two sentences sound plain and stupid but I mean them. Delhi has, according to me, very harsh weather...it's either too hot or too cold and every once in while when it does rain, the roads get all clogged. But I still love this city more than any other place on earth. I've seen many scenic beauties and all...but home is where the heart and Delhi is where it is.

I sound so mushy.  ^^

Anyway, I haven't been stepping out much these days (except for today when I decided to eat my weight out in food at Big Chill) and that's turned me lazy. So last night when my mom literally threw me out of the house and told me to go out for a stroll and "get some fresh air", I scowled. But she insisted, and I went. And it was good.

The cool, pleasant October air was crisp, the neighbourhood roads were well-lit and it seemed every one who lives in my neighbourhood was out for a walk (it was around 7pm). And that's when it struck me how much I really love this place and if ever I had to move away from here, I'd not take it so well.

A good walk in a nice weather can jog odd assortment of memories, not always a good thing, but not always bad either. I remembered, as I strolled at my own pace, another October evening, much like this one from three years ago. I remember coming back from class and taking a while off, sitting at the parking lot of my college, talking to friends. I remember feeling the time was magical. And I swear, whatever else I might have thought of back then, I didn't think three years later was going to turn out one bit like it has in reality.... (I was still waiting for my letter from Hogwarts).

I'll go reminiscent some more now. :)